Hungry Hungry Hussy pt.1

Once upon a time there was a young man named michael, and he didst love to swill ale. He was a simple man, who enjoyed the company of many like-minded individuals who shared his passion for getting quite drunk. Every so often michael and his cronies would venture into a brewhouse where much dancing and merriment would be had. But one such eve, the splendour and mirth would be downcast by a woman of horrible girth...

After a brief excursion to the lavatory, michael returned to the bar to replenish the fluid he had recently dispensed with another tankard of ale (in this way he was certain that no dehydration could possibly occur), when all of a sudden he felt a tap on his muscle-bound shoulder. As he turned around he beheld a face like he had never seen before. With a mighty effort michael clenched his stomach and suppressed the overpowering urge to vomit. Smiling politely he said "hello", to which she unexpectedly replied "I'm going to rape you later"and leant forward to smooch him. As she leant forwards, her hideous features were magnified, and a sickening stench of old cheese nearly made michael pass out. Michael was rather disturbed to say the least, but he felt confident that if he stayed perfectly still, the gigantic creature would lose interest and try to find food elsewhere. Just as Michael (and Jurassic Park) had predicted she saw a packet of crisps in the distance and thundered away...Michael had escaped, or had he...