Is This the End?

With the advent of university holidays it seems that journalistic efforts have fallen to an all new low. Now some may argue that journalism never really played a part in this website, supposedly constructed in an imaginary world that only existed in the deranged minds of a small few (pretty fuckin accurate really...).

But despite this recent lack of enthusiasm, I would remind subscribers to boules etcetera that this website has brought small amounts of amusement to others and (mostly) ourselves. And so I pose the question, is boules in fact dead???

I just have one thing to say to those who believe alcohol makes you less attractive...

Breaking News!!

Dear fellow boule enthusiasts (and confused onlookers). It has recently come to my attention that there is a shift in the universe as we know it. With final exams approaching there is a catastrophic imbalance between work and play. "Scientists" have "conclusively" shown that a catastrophic chain of events is now taking place. One man has even called it "troubling", others say it is more "alarming" than troubling. Others have simply shat their pants

With the lack of play: less beers have to be consumed... the ammount of pissing has dramatically decreased... reducing the ammount of toilet flushes...excessive water levels...eventually leading to some kind of "waterworld" as our boules scientists have dubbed it

We can only pray that this disturbing pursuit of intellectual goals ceases sometime in the near future, lest the whole world be plunged into chaos. The boules team will be doing their part to restore universal balance after exams the only way they know how... drinking to the point of near coma. Please join this worthy cause, and get flogged to save our precious planet

Desperately the boules team tries to both study and consume ale...to ill effect

A Paglette Trio

Its competition time once again at Boules Etcetera, and as usual there are some rather shithouse prizes up for grabs. All you have to do is tell us which of these fine omelettes was brought up by our very own Bouleshark.

You too can be the proud owner of..... a stapler, or perhaps you'd prefer one of our many fine pens that we're practically throwing away. Just submit which omelette you consider to be the most likely to be thrown up by Mr Wilson and guess what the ingredients were to win some lovely shit.

Good luck and keep bouling

The Invincibles

Team wangi has faced many adversities in the ever expanding world of boules. Thus far they have not met their match either in alcohol or boule prowess...I am regretful to mention however, that this very evening, bouleshark was unable to digest his omelette.... mainly due to him being very very drunk. This photo was taken just moments before this tragic and very humorous event

Fagface...Shitfaced.

Who's this you may ask? Some kind of fagfaced boy who has consumed countless ales and has consequently transformed into a massive pissed out dickhead? Yes...
Inebriation has a new name...baba. Look out Nightblaze

Radical New Rules

I hereby propose that the following rules apply henceforth:
-Any boules club member may challenge the leader to a "double points match"
-In the event that the challenger wins:
*The leader is deducted 4 points
*The challenger gains 4 points
-In the event that the leader wins:
*The leader gains 1 point
*The challenger is deducted 1 point

This new rule ensures that the new leader is never far from the rest of the field. Furthermore I propose that on september 1st (spring), the ladder is reset as the new season begins

that is all

Boules Season Begins Again

After a hard winter of boules playing second fiddle to drinking, spring is upon us and so too the days of bouling, swaggling and deck-chairs. Today saw the return of the two most successful boulers in history return to the splendid bouling meadow of: Newcastle "we're too far in debt not to hire mongs to do the groundskeeping" University, where some tricky bungles and springy turf led to some swaggle-like bounces.

Frustrated by the non-mushy conditions, the boulenator became angry...very angry...eventually causing a malfunction in his circuitry and activating spaz mode. With his boule-vision temporarily deactivated, the one they call lazy eye aka "spence" face (referring to the most lazy of them all Adam Spencer) took the first two games by the boules, crushing the boulenator like a bouledraulic press.

With his molten steel blood still boiling, Boulenator demanded a third and final game.
"you're sure you want another game"
"ya"
"but you've already lost two games horribly...it'd be a right kefuffle if you lost another"
"ya i know"
"so what's it gonna be"
"boules!"

And with that final comment, the most intense game of the pre-season began. A titanic battle between man and machine. 3-2, the scores were close, not unlike absinthe being close to illegal, the boulenator was in the lead for the first time ever.
BANG!!!
KAPOW!!
Michael was reeling, 10-2 was now the score. The Boulenator released a deadly volley of precision bouling, feeling no remorse for his lazy-eyed competitor. But Michael wasn't going to just lie down and take it in the ass. With a determination that came from only those who are born in wangi (aka the boules capital of the world), he clawed his way back into the game 10-4...10-5...10-8...10 all!! the crowd was going wild (four guys sitting on the bricks may have looked our way)...
10-11
10-12
The boulenator was getting frustrated, how could he be so fucking retarded?? With a mighty effort he won the next round 12 ALL!!

The final round, with a jack length of no more than 6 slippers and a slight downhill bungle in turf of approximately 50% crab 50% spring (or a 1:1 crab-spring ratio) began. The boulenator's precision targeting did not fail him, with 100% effectiveness he put three boules within a slipper of the jack. It was the last boule for Michael. He knew he must pull something out of his boule-bag....with a gentle rocking of his powerful bouling arm he released his boule...rolling...rolling to VICTORY!

"FUCK YOU!!" the boulenator was heard to exclaim. Michael could only laugh, the season was looking promising...

Hungry Hungry Hussy pt.1

Once upon a time there was a young man named michael, and he didst love to swill ale. He was a simple man, who enjoyed the company of many like-minded individuals who shared his passion for getting quite drunk. Every so often michael and his cronies would venture into a brewhouse where much dancing and merriment would be had. But one such eve, the splendour and mirth would be downcast by a woman of horrible girth...

After a brief excursion to the lavatory, michael returned to the bar to replenish the fluid he had recently dispensed with another tankard of ale (in this way he was certain that no dehydration could possibly occur), when all of a sudden he felt a tap on his muscle-bound shoulder. As he turned around he beheld a face like he had never seen before. With a mighty effort michael clenched his stomach and suppressed the overpowering urge to vomit. Smiling politely he said "hello", to which she unexpectedly replied "I'm going to rape you later"and leant forward to smooch him. As she leant forwards, her hideous features were magnified, and a sickening stench of old cheese nearly made michael pass out. Michael was rather disturbed to say the least, but he felt confident that if he stayed perfectly still, the gigantic creature would lose interest and try to find food elsewhere. Just as Michael (and Jurassic Park) had predicted she saw a packet of crisps in the distance and thundered away...Michael had escaped, or had he...

A brief message to Goldboulesguy...

Although we encourage boulers from all walks of life to participate in our website we must emphasise that no nappy wearing nerds with bitch-tits are in fact permitted to enter according to our "no annoying wankers policy". Furthermore I would like to add that goldboulesguy has an aroma not dissimilar to a steaming pile of faeces. That is all

ANGRY DAD!!!

Here begins the tale of angry dad. The night was young, and the boules team was hastening homewards after witnessing possibly the finest display of acting they had ever laid eyes upon (Star Wars-episode 3). All was going splendidly when out of nowhere, like a boule exploding out of a hand, angry dad and his slaggy daughters appeared.

This troublesome family made its dipshit-like intentions immediately clear. Their first mistake was to give the Boulenator the finger (a man whose robot-like anger knows no programmable bounds), their second was to question the boules team's ability to retaliate.

After very little discussion (or thought), the team decided on the wisest course of action...a thorough anal display. Little did angry dad know, that the boules team were reputed to have rectums hairier than that of a wookie and more displeasing to the eye than a maimed corpse.

Needless to say, angry dad was not pleased. Infact he was so disgruntled that he chose to pursue the boules team in an angry fashion, fuelling his crappy engine, not with fuel...but with liquid anger. After several fiendish back-alley manoeveures, and thanks to the incredible performance of the boules-mobile's rocket thrusters, the collective brain-power of the pissed-off slags and their dim-witted father was outmatched. The Boules Club asks you if you see this man (see below) show your anus with pride

Squinty McClench-Face

Michael, the smiling assassin as he is otherwise known, is currently leading the Boules world championship ladder. Why you ask..."I encourage all aspiring boulers to play with their boules as much as I do...no matter how much I play with them, it never gets boring"-Michael

Boules vs. Beer, the eternal struggle (a battle that boules is ultimately doomed to lose)...

...many beery hours later 

A boules night out

Due to lack of creative response from the wider community to the epidemic of boules sweeping the nation (admitting you've got an addiction is the first step to boulecovery, don't deny it), the team here at boules etcetera set out on Friday night to inspire what we believe to be a community of closet boules players...ofcourse we had to drink (a bit) so our boule-like cover would not be blown.

After several drinks, we felt confident that we had successfully entered the psyche of the drunkard...in fact we were pretty confident about just about everything (almost as if these unfamiliar beverages had granted us superhuman abilities...). Varied responses were given to the question of "what makes you passionate about boules" including
-"Get fucked"
-"What the fuck are you talking about"
-"No I'm not going to lick your balls"
and perhaps the most infuriating-"Isn't it called Bocce"

Clearly the team wasn't going to make too much progress with these troublesome and hard of hearing youths. But not disheartened, the young Boulenator was heard to remark: "lets get some absinthe", resulting in him getting thoroughly tanked. After this potent brew, he found he could not contain his wiley ways, dashing to an unknown location and confounding his two drunken compatriots.

But the Bouleshark and Michael were in the mood for celebration, because they too were quite pissed, and found themselves on a strangely enchanted dancefloor. Although they were quite certain they had very little dancing knowledge, skill, ability or co-ordination, they found as soon as they stepped upon the dancefloor's mystical boards, god-like powers were granted to them. Soon all the public could do was to watch and be amazed by the dynamic duo's unearthly talents. Moves such as "the robot", the "funky chicken" and the lesser known "spastic monkey" were unleashed upon the dumbstruck audience until it was deemed that it was time... to leave that magical place and return to the slightly less magical Wangi Wangi.

And as the team sped back into the night on their rocket powered toboggans, they reflected upon the sadness that their bouley dreams may never come to be...The night, a defeat for boule-kind, but a triumphant victory for dancing

in olden times, it was compulsory to have either a moustache or a beret. The child seen depicted here is soon to be beaten with a log pending her father's dress code violation. This was a common punishment, it often drew a crowd as depicted.

Later the measuring log was abolished due to its ridiculous inability to measure...also the child beatings were gradually phased out in response to changing laws

Boules-da Roules

For those of you who may be unenlightened, boules is a game played similar to lawn bowls in that there is a jack (technically known as the "small boule" or "scrunched up coaster" if you will) and several round balls.

The idea is to get the boules as close to the jack as possible (not by rolling, as some may unwittingly think) by throwing the boule in a bouley fashion (pictures on bouling technique may be posted later). It is also possible to score multiple points by having multiple boules closer to the jack than your opponent (technically termed "asshole", eg. "your turn asshole") resulting in a volatile game in which the proverbial tables may turn at any moment (that's one moment in total)

At the end of each...end. The points will be totalled and a new and exciting throw will be undertaken by the asshole who is deemed to "be next", and thus the glorious cycle repeats until there is one asshole who reaches a total of 13.

any further questions on the roules of boules should be addressed to a qualified bouler.

And Michael didst sayeth: "Fuck Yeah!!"

Today signifies a great day in the boredom of a young man, who has selflessly chosen to sacrifice a night of fun and fornication (Friday at Pippy's) to create a site, the likes of which noone has seen before...that of boules and other scandalous activities.

that is all